Cheryl Besner: Green eggs and ham!

In the movie “The Runaway Bride”, Julia Roberts plays a beautiful, confident, seemingly carefree woman who is constantly running from commitment, leaving a long string of broken-hearted men in her wake.

Some might think she is a lucky woman who has the luxury of choosing from an endless line of suitors, but the truth is, her character is really an insecure lost soul. Each relationship begins with her surrendering her identity and becoming whoever she thinks she needs to be for the sake of her partner.

Her sense of self is absent to the point where she does not even know how she likes her eggs prepared! She realizes that with every new relationship, she has taken her eggs the way the man prefers, without any consideration of her own tastes.

I have talked with hundreds of women and men over the past year and have seen this type of behaviour happen again and again. This pattern is most unhealthy way to exist in a relationship, and also the most unattractive to one’s partner. If someone wants a lapdog, they can buy a toy poodle!

Most mature adults want to be in a committed relationship with an equal; to be stimulated and even challenged on certain levels. They want to date a person of value and interest – not a carbon copy of themselves.

Why eat scrambled eggs if you like eggs Benedict?

Why play hockey if you prefer tennis?

The answer is, like Julia Roberts in the movie, you don’t know who you are yet… but the operative word here is “YET”!

Fortunately, you are never too old to discover yourself. Once you gain a firm understanding of who you are, you can live life with confidence. That clarity will also allow you to keep redefining and growing with every new experience. You need to respect yourself so that others may do the same.

Commitment comes from within. We have to be able to identify and commit to our own needs in order to get what we want from life. There are small things that you can do every day – starting today! – that will bring you one step closer to YOU!

Why not begin with an “I AM” exercise?

1) On a piece of paper, make a list that outlines every characteristic that describes you now, as well as who you will become. (Notice that I didn’t say “who you HOPE you will become”!)

2) Add to that list every day for one week.

3) On last day, reduce that list by half. If you have 80 qualities written, bring it down to 40.

4) Continue doing this until you end up with 5 characteristics that best reflect who you are and how you wish to live your life.

5) When you wake up every morning, look in the mirror and recite those 5 most important values, prefacing each one with “I AM…” Repeat these affirmations until you believe them, right down to your core.

Only you can alter your patterns, but first you need to pinpoint what you need and what you wish to change. That’s the first step in defining who you are.

Listen tomorrow night on CJAD800 as Marie-Claude Savard and I look at how we can claim ourselves and be the best “I AM” ever.

Remember, if your partner likes different things, it does not make you a bad match!
(For the record, I like my eggs poached and served on avocado toast with a splash of Tabasco, but I’m happy to prepare them any way someone else likes.)

– Cheryl xo