Lisa Fuoco: Avoiding the dating delusion

Sometimes dating is like stepping into a world of delusion. The one thing I’ve experienced since being back on the market is lots and lots of disappointment. I’m not really sure what I honestly expect when it comes to finding a new partner.

I do realize that I (along with 99% of the dating population) have way too many high expectations of what their “soulmate” should be. I really haven’t figured out why exactly. Maybe it’s because we never want to settle or settle for second best. We also don’t want to make the same mistakes we have in the past, since those relationships went south.

Let’s be honest: We ALL think we deserve the best partner in life and long for that serious ‘WOW’ factor from our future mate. Unrealistic? I would have said “hellllll no!” a year ago, but my thoughts have drastically changed.

The reason for the sudden awakening is date after date, guy after guy, the result has been the same: A really big letdown. I realize I can’t blame the male species as a whole. But I mostly blame myself. I’m still new to the market.

Like all hopeless romantics, we go into these situations with excitement, high hopes and even a little blindsided. I think everyone has that feeling as though this person “may be the one.”

It also comes down to that feared pressure of wanting the individual to be all the qualities you desire in that perfect match. You may even have a list of deal breakers that you want to check off, “has to be over six feet tall,” “has to make a certain salary,” “has to have never been married…”

You expect a date or a relationship to go the way it does in your mind. We all know Mr. or Mrs. Perfect doesn’t seem to exist, so why do we keep subconsciously searching? It’s not realistic, in any sort of sense.

The truth is, you are focusing on all the wrong things. These actions only set ourselves up for complete and utter failure. Failure of what may have been something potential and worth exploring.

My new approach is simple: Have no expectations and you won’t be disappointed. Period.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t look forward to meeting someone new or not be optimistic. It just means that I don’t think we should put too much thought into it. Take it slow and try not to be three steps ahead. Remember: It’s not a business deal.

Overall, we put way too much thought and focus into finding a companion. We are forever trying to figure it all out. We need to broaden our horizons when it comes to finding someone, be open-minded and excepting of someone…that may not be our exact ‘type.’

I truly believe there is someone out there for everyone. A lot of times it’s just about timing. We must stay positive and just let things be. There is never a real need to set such high expectations.

This way when we do find that special someone, we’ll be pleasantly surprised. Staying optimistic is one way to be that hopeless romantic who is guaranteed to find true deep love one day.

– Lisa xo