LGBT Dating Dilemmas

29 Mar 2017

Dating Dilemmas in the LGBT Community

How does the dating world differ for that of the LGBT community as opposed to the heterosexual community?

With the advent of new dating Apps such as Grindr, Hornet, Her and Jack’d – the dating game has undergone some momentous changes. Social media has removed the limitations that previously plagued the LGBT dating community. The radius for dating has expanded. No longer are those looking for a mate limited to either the desktop or gay club, the playing field possesses the reach of social networking apps in their entirety.

Richard: “Even before all these dating Apps became so popular, in the 40s, 50s, 60s bath houses and nightclubs in the cities were the main place for meeting people. Apps today are no longer binary, with these Apps you can be in the bar and check out who is on the App. you are no longer limited.”

In addition to the contrast between the heterosexual and LGBT community, there are interesting insights to be gained by looking at the different dating approaches taken on by both men and women.

Cheryl: “The fact is, bars are still a very popular part of the gay community. The women that I talk to, they sometimes don’t know where to go to meet other people. It is primarily the males who are doing the bar thing. I will actually be touching on the ever growing lesbian community in the coming weeks…WOMEN who LOVE”

For men, it is important to consider relationship roles each individual play. Knowing your potential partner’s preference at the outset is essential in order to determine compatibility.

Jason: “The thing is with the LGBT community, for the gay men, there is that thing about being a top, being a bottom, being a versatile – a bottom is not going to go on date with a bottom, the city of montreal – it’s just bottoms”

In addition to compatibility, how does the approach differ between men and women? Let’s explore how searching and courting in the LGBT community differs between men and women.

Jason: “It’s part of their [Lesbian women] culture. My friends who are lesbians don’t go to clubs all the time. What they do is go to art events or they do house parties. They do something that is more around culture. Not necessarily let’s go out, take our shirts off on the dance floor and party. It’s more than that”

It is not only the environment in which lesbian women tend to search for a mate that differs, gender norms and being recognized as someone who is part of the LGBT community can serve as a dating dilemma for women. In the heterosexual field, it has become the norm for women to dress up, usually in a feminine style, to attract and wheel a potential male mate. However, if a lesbian woman prefers the feminine style, how does she make herself recognizable to a potential mate? The answer is something that transcends both heterosexual and LGBT dating cultures. Confidence is the key to attracting, engaging and successfully picking up.

Natasha Victoria: “The thing about meeting men is that you put on a nice dress, you go out and it’s inevitable you’ll get approached by guy. The Guys want to pick up. When I discovered I was more interested in females, I’m really feminine and girls don’t know that I’m gay. I realized I have
to work on my pick-up game and be more aggressive.”

Confidence is key. Breaking away from the guise and protection social media dating Apps provide is the best way to surpass any modern day dating dilemma.

Jason: “People now hide behind their Apps and they are so shy to approach”

However, it is important to veer away from the overwhelming opinion that the LGBT community is only about sex. Just like the heterosexual community, there are a multitude of layers and dimensions when it comes to LGBT dating.