“Balancing traditional relationships in modern times”
Times have definitely changed since the days of The Dick Van Dyke show where we watched the traditional relationship flourish depicting the ideal family life and values. Even The Brady Bunch show while pushing the envelope featuring a blended family scenario demonstrated the strength of conventional values.
With divorces on the rise, marriage scares many and co-habitation has increased 30% in the last decade. So what is causing things to change?
Enter the Digital age, the internet and social media. The world is fast paced and everything and everyone is disposable.
Cheryl: “In this modern time, people do still want to have these traditional relationships but it’s getting all messed up …as we are leaping in and out of things faster.”
So, how does that interfere in our love life? Think of this, in the relationship world there are thousands of dating apps that allow you to pick up, hook up and swipe someone out of your life before lunch.
Damona: “We’re all just living in the now with social media and instant gratification…now you can get whatever you want immediately…people are desiring that out of relationships as well, I want what I want right now and they’re not thinking about the future.”
Then there is the fear of marriage as many individuals come from divorced families and don’t believe in the happier ever after.
Cheryl: “Do you find co-habitation is actually on the increase?”
Damona: “The marriage rates are going down…more people are moving in with their significant other but it doesn’t mean that it’s a step towards marriage…these are part of modern dating challenges, things that we have not seen before where people are looking at.”
Add to that fear factor that women are appreciating being financially independent as opposed to staying at home and feeling less in control like in the traditional days where the man was the “breadwinner”.
Cheryl: “A lot of the millennials are dealing with things like “I’m empowered, I make my own money, I don’t need a man, this is something that is going forward …many of them are children of divorce so they don’t necessarily even believe in the institution of marriage because they think well why go through all of that if we are going to end up divorced as well.” moving in together as an alternative to getting married.”
Another modern day reality is that many couples have to become two income households just to make ends meet, many splitting everything down the middle including such things as rent, food, chores and entertainment.
Finding that “perfect” dose of both in this “imperfect” world.
Damona: “I’m a practical dating coach…and I like to offer guidelines that can help anticipate some issues down the road…Money is a always a big issue.”
Cheryl: “When it comes to finance, that is also the top reason people get divorced, that people fight over the most.”
Damona: “Money is really a manifestation of control. When you’re moving in with someone for the first time, you really have to be able to separate past situations from the situation you are in right now.”
Cheryl: “Often times, people think it’s the one who has the greater income who has the control over the money rather it being you might be making more money but together we have to make sure that we are living the lifestyle that we both want with the same goal in mind.”
Today, communication has become quite challenging with the introduction of the text message allowing for misinterpretation and false assumptions compared to a dialogue on the phone like the old days. The truth is though we have no choice but to adapt to this new way of communication just as we had no choice but to accept working with computers. Now we have to integrate that into the dating world.
Damona: “The questions that often come up is this lack of bonding…I think it began with online dating…the way that we communicate now is bled over into relationships and it’s become a real issue…and being able to be attached to someone and plan for the future.”
A successful relationship is having common goals for the future, making sure that the end goal is ultimately the same, that you are both on the same page when it comes to serious matters and life decisions
Cheryl: “Tammy, what has been the biggest challenge with you and your bo?”
Tamara: “I love the idea of having a traditional relationship but I never really wanted a traditional relationship, a lot of my friends have gotten married, with kids…I always wanted to travel and be with someone who wanted to do different things… my boyfriend is making a movie right now… it’s definitely challenging …you don’t get to have the time that you would want and he’s so focused on doing it so my role now is to be supportive and put my stuff aside and wait till that stuff is done.”
In modern relationships, where both parties have careers, in order to maintain that balance, it’s important to accept and support one another. So what is the basis for a traditional relationship with a modern twist in the eyes of my guests?
Damona: “My husband also travels a lot for work, we have just found the perfect space for both of us, to pursue our passions and we also have children so someone has to be here all the time…he supports me 100% and I support him, but I’m also not afraid to ask for the time that I need, making sure that you are not afraid to speak up for your needs.”
Tamara: “For me, it’s about having a partner that’s kind, respectful and interested in what you’re doing, wanting to be with you, your family and to me that’s traditional but it can also be incorporated in the kind of relationship that I am having right now.”
Tamara: “I’m pretty independent, I have my own career…I think that it’s so important to have your own stuff going on.”
Cheryl: “In a relationship, the bottom line is respect and you should really want that other person to experience everything that they need to in this life. So many people are afraid to get into a relationship because they think that they have to give something up…and the truth is you shouldn‘t give up anything about yourself, you have to work things through and decide together about how you’re going to do certain things… loving somebody, it’s giving them that space to enjoy every aspect of their life.”
Cheryl, Tamara, Ramona.
Love is not just a “feeling”, Love is a verb and about doing and you have to keep feeding your relationship. Think of how special you feel when you get flowers or a note to say I love you out of the blue or your partner cooks your favorite meal. A call to the office in the middle of the day makes you feel connected. Just a little goes a long way!
Don’t be afraid to make your modern relationship different. Remember, just because you may be splitting the expenses 50-50 that’s not the equation used in nurturing the partnership! A relationships in which each partner is giving only 50-50 never lasts for longer than the “honeymoon” period.” You have to give it your all, each 100% to keep a relationship alive and rocking. After all, isn’t this true equality?
If you need any dating advice, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656)
Cheryl xo
