“Revising Mrs. Robinson”

These days men are not the only ones who date younger people. We have entered the era of equal opportunity for women in the dating and relationship world, where a mature lady becomes sexually and or emotionally involved with a much younger man.

It is significant to note however, public acceptance between the two different age gap scenarios is much reflected in the term for each.

While the older male is often called a “Sugar daddy”, the older female has been labeled a “cougar” which is quite a significant contrast in term.

It’s the “Mrs. Robinson” fantasy of the 60’s movie “The Graduate“, a story of a sexually experienced older woman seducing a much younger naive man, yet now we have the imagery of wild cat pouncing on its prey.

As a community, we’re still pretty old-fashioned in our views when it comes to age gaps in relationships and generally much more accepting when the man is older.  The one thing we do know from statistics is that in either case, large differences in age relationships don’t stand the test of time. AGE DOES HAVE A WAY OF CREEPING IN!

 Cheryl: “My younger child keeps me alive and vibrant and I wanna do things to keep up with him…that’s the connection for a lot of women who are dating younger men…it’s the vitality level not just our physical but also our mental health.”

Suzanna: “The thing that I personally like about younger men is their willingness to open up, their emotional access…they seem a little more willing to expose themselves and more vulnerable and I think there’s a draw and appeal to that.”

Cheryl: “The older woman is confident and more experienced and has all this history behind her that really is appealing to the younger man.”

These relationships can be fun, exciting and improve your self-esteem in the short term, but the longer you’re together; the more likely you are to be forced to confront your age differences as reality hits you at some point in time and you come face to face with important life decisions.

Reid: “I’ve never discriminated in my life, it’s more about the person…being attracted to an older woman, it’s good for a young man’s ego and then… there’s a cross over point…which men want a certain amount of experience…at a certain point you do go age appropriate and… talking about a man in his 50’s, it’s far likely that he’s going to be dating someone 15 years his senior… I’m with a woman who’s a little shy of 60…and my lower limit is about 35 for younger women.”

Before beginning any serious committed relationship, it’s important to assess your motivations when there’s a significant age difference. Although love knows no age, some who date older people may be seeking a parental figure or a mentor more than a romantic partner. They may be seeking financial security, thus wanting to be with someone established and successful in their career. This situation applies to many young women dating older men.

Cheryl: “ As matchmakers, attraction can go either way with age differences but it’s when we decide to enter long term relationships we try to narrow down the gap.”

A significant age difference doesn’t make a relationship meaningless or any less real, but it may create some challenges that don’t exist when a couple is closer in age. Generation gaps can be challenging, but a significant age difference can also give you the chance to consider new perspectives and appreciate the views of a different generation.

Suzanna: “Just because a relationship doesn’t last…it doesn’t mean it’s not a healthy, happy and meaningful relationship.” 

Having a good relationship at any stage of your life is worthwhile, and it would be good to cherish and value that relationship for as long as it makes sense to the parties involved. Enjoy and appreciate the relationship for what it is and as long as it lasts.

There are no guarantees in life, especially your love life

Suzanna: “At any stage of life how, how we communicate, how we resolve conflict, the lifestyle we live are the key factors.”

Some people are going to disagree with your choices in romantic partners, no matter how solid your relationship is. Women in this type of relationship often feel they must constantly explain why they love this younger person rather favor a person their own age. This can be challenging when facing your parents, coworkers, friends and especially your children as no one likes to feel judged.

Cheryl: “That external resistance, it’s really because of the community around them and how they’re going to be viewed. There is a defending mechanism that comes out…that external pressure and making the decision to stay within a relationship with somebody younger because you are going to have to deal with these things, especially if you have children who are possibly the same age as the people who you are dating.”

Let’s agree that in general, men are attracted to younger women and when dating them, it makes them feel a lot younger. But for women, being with somebody younger makes them feel older as generally speaking, women are much more conscious and critical of themselves when it comes to appearances.

Bruce: “I’m pretty active and somebody older wouldn’t keep up with me and I think an older man with a younger woman can get along good cause they can share different life experiences and grow together but the woman definitely has to be mature enough.”

Cheryl: “Do you think the physical nature has a lot to do with it?”

Bruce: “For me the physical is a part of it, but if the intellectual is not there, the physical  wouldn’t apply…I’m not interested because if it’s just physical, there’s no foundation, you can’t build on anything, you can’t communicate, you can’t grow, you can’t share.”

A large age difference can undermine the long-term viability of a relationship. For example: if one wants to have children, fertility can be an issue or wanting a family all together can create  a road block for the relationship depending on which stage of life each person has reached. Age differences can also mean significant differences in lifestyle. If you have an established career but your partner is still living at home, you could be in for a bumpy road.

Cheryl: “I know within my experience, the people that I coach and also the people that I meet through matchmaking, a man will often approach me and let’s say he’s in his 50’s, he wants to date somebody 35…they try that out a little bit and eventually  they say ok I trust you… and you bring them more into “age appropriate” …and I’m gonna say age because it also has to do with stage, when you get closer to the age, they find they have much more in common with somebody closer to their age, and that’s usually who they end up with after trying the younger woman.”

According to the author of the book “Revising Mrs. Robinson” 

Suzanna: “I always encourage people to date out of spirit not from a place of ego…as you end up with better results.” “Revising Mrs. Robinson”

Although the dating world has evolved with women being more and more independent, age-gap relationships are and have always been controversial.  A big age difference provides you with valuable opportunities to learn about alternative perspectives and experiences. It’s not so black and white and it really depends on each situation.

We can all agree that what makes and breaks relationships are the people in them, and whether there’s two years difference between them, or fifteen, surely what matters more is whether they’re a genuinely good person, which stage of life they have reached and what their values, lifestyles and goals are.

If you need any dating advice, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656)

Cheryl xo