“Big City Dating Dilemmas”
Why is it so hard for people to meet “the one” in a city of millions? Life in big cities such as: Montreal, Toronto, Chicago or New York is fast-paced, fun and exciting but dating has definitely become challenging and far from what it used to be.
Things were simpler in the past as there were fewer options and choices to make. Most people dated to develop long-lasting relationships. They made efforts to call, to plan a date and meet in person and make an impression. While some do succeed dating online, in modern countries and big cities, we have countless options presented to us every single day especially with all the available apps such as: tinder, happn, dating sites, face book at our finger tips ready to click a button, swipe, add or delete.
Malik: “Life is more than social media; people are on their phones, texting back and forth, no one picks up the phone to call anymore.”
This form of communication itself makes dating more challenging today. We mostly communicate over devices instead of calling or meeting in person. Technology has definitely had a negative impact on the dating world and caused a great amount of confusion and emotional turmoil from singles in their 20’s up to their 60’s and 70’s.
Cheryl: “As we get older we are more set in our ways but the fact is this is happening with the younger generation too, it’s not just happening with the people who are coming out of long term relationships. It’s happening to our kids, the teens that are constantly hooking up, the people in their 20’s their 30’s. I’m seeing more and more people that I know, their children are in their late 20’s early 30’s late 30’s and they’re are not getting married, they are not even in relationships.”
Relationships take time, commitment and most importantly compromise. Modern dating has become a somewhat shallow allowing little time for real human interaction or the shared experiences on which a commitment to another person is built. In this day and age, there is definitely a lack of commitment largely based what we lovingly refer to as FOMO, the fear of missing out on the next best thing that comes with a single swipe.
Cheryl: “We’re so focused on something that’s new, change, swiping, that we can t keep up sometimes with our relationships. So sadly it’s not just with people who have come to routines, it is people who are building their routines and the fact is we are a generation or a society that are constantly being over stimulated and that’s something for us to consider in our relationship world. We need to take the time sometimes to slow ourselves down to appreciate.”
Many people genuinely want to find that special someone to share their life with and while they are using different ways to reach that goal, whether online or in person, they are unsure of how to go about it. What is the best way to succeed in finding the right partner when you are shy, insecure, set in your ways or find yourself among friends that are already in relationships?
Mark: “If you go out as two girls or two guys, chances are you’ll end up talking to that person most of the night and not really putting yourself out there. If you can find a place to go by yourself, I’m not suggesting a bar cause a bar is a bad idea for hanging out by yourself, but if you’re going places to meet other singles, don’t keep that security blanket , put yourself out there where you have to meet someone by yourself.”
Nowadays, people want to constantly be impressed, swept away, always looking for that next great experience or the next best person. Options are being kept open!
Maria: “There’s a variety of reasons why it’s hard to meet people in general, not just in New York but across North America. It has to do with having a dating culture, in a lot of countries there is no dating culture”. “Here we have all these laws and rules and how we’re supposed to interact with each other. In big cities there tends to be a gender imbalance, anthropologically speaking, men tend to get a case of the “fomo” fear of missing out, they tend to date more and as a result it’s a lot harder to meet people that wanna be in a committed relationship.”
“Second part is everyone is dating online. Now modern dating is a lot more tough, you have to have a lot of courage to date in general and you’re meeting people that aren’t vetted by your own community or vouched by your friends.”
The truth is, if you really want to succeed at meeting someone, you have to be willing to take some risks and stay focused on your relationship goals. You have to put yourself out there as much as possible and stop being fearful of rejection. What do you have to lose? It is better than sitting on your couch feeling hopeless and discouraged. It is by stepping out of your comfort zone, breaking your usual routine and starting to discover new places, where you can increase your chances of meeting new people that are in the same boat as you.
Mark: “People aren’t getting out at all. You need to get involved somehow in the community where you’re around other single people” “ the most successful people are the ones that get off the couch, go out and find places to meet people.”
There is no right or wrong way to meet someone in today’s “modern” dating world. You can consult with a dating coach to get some tips, register online, meet people in person as long as you stay proactive about it and take different measures to broaden your circle. No matter our age group, we tend to get set in our ways without realizing how responsible we are for our own choices and that we need to take charge of our love life if we want to change our status from single to in a relationship.
Cheryl: “Nobody is going to be a 100%, the fact is we ourselves are not 100%. We cannot be 100% of what somebody else is looking for. But if you can find 80%, you have to learn to accept and reject certain parts of a relationship, and reject the things that don’t work for you within the relationship but discuss it with that person, accept the rest, because nobody is going to be perfect. The key is that 20% that doesn’t work has to only take up 20% of the relationship. If that’s showing its head 80 % of the time, that’s where the trouble is.”
You don’t have to get stuck in the dating confusion of today’s world; whether you are comfortable dating online or meeting people in person, the key is to remain proactive, positive and take risks daily. Determining your values, lifestyle and goals will establish the foundation you need to date smart no matter where you live.
Cheryl: “Our love life has challenges but we can get through them, you just have to know how.”
If you need any dating advice, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656)
Cheryl xo
