Cheryl Besner: Is “breaking up” on your Christmas list?

Breaking up is hard to do under the best of circumstances, but when your decision coincides with the holiday season, it’s easy to get tangled up in emotion.

Since we were young, we’ve been encouraged to make our wish list for the holiday and resolutions for the New Year – but what if your wish list includes “being single”?

That’s when we start asking ourselves questions like:

“Do I really want to be alone for the holiday?”

“Do I want to hurt the other person at a time that is supposed to be filled with love?”

“What will the others think?”

I have often heard people say that they would prefer to wait until after the holidays to end a relationship because they don’t want to “ruin” a special occasion. While that concept seems considerate on the surface, think about this: In the difficult days following the breakup, your ex may reflect and realize that the only reason you delayed ending things was because of the holiday – which makes you look anything BUT considerate!

Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for a person is to be honest with them. While we send out holiday greetings to others that always include wishes for health and happiness, what about our own? Both your health and your happiness may be compromised if you don’t live true to yourself and resign yourself to staying in a relationship that no longer fulfills your needs.

Here are five things to keep in mind as you give yourself  the gift of being solo this holiday season…

1) One of the hardest parts of a breakup is the initial hesitation and indecision stage. We can feel frozen by fear, but – much like a Band-Aid being pulled off – it stings for a bit at first, and then you are flooded by a feeling of relief.

2) You will give yourself the gift of YOU! It’s important to welcome this period of reflection on lessons learned and the discovery of who you are now. We grow and evolve with every relationship, and leaving one that is no longer working is an act of self-love and respect.

3) You will learn just how strong you are. Conquering the fear of being single is a huge confidence-builder! Holding on to your inner strength may be challenging at this time of year, so here’s a tip: Write down all the reasons you want to be single again and place them inside a beautifully-wrapped gift box. Whenever you start questioning your decision, open the box and read them!

4) You will enjoy a sense of calm. No matter what the reason for breaking up with someone, there is usually a certain level of drama that comes along with it. Life is always better when lived with clarity and calm, hence the phrase “Keep calm and carry on!”

5) New interests are on the horizon! Discover the world around you by trying a new gym class or taking a course in a subject that intrigues you. Fill some of  the time you used to spend with your partner doing things that help you progress within yourself. Take the time to indulge.

(You can consult our KISS calendar for some solo-approved holiday events to get you started!)

Being productive is the best way to mend a broken heart, and progress is the best present you can give yourself – not to mention a present that ONLY you can give yourself!

So, this holiday, give yourself the gift of being YOU… Standing strong, fearless, and solo in the city.

– Cheryl xo