Sisterhood dating rules

16 Apr 2013

I recently received a letter from a reader questioning the rules of dating etiquette.

He had reached out via Facebook to a woman he knew through a friend of a friend of a friend and asked her out on a date, only to be rejected because she knew of his ex-wife. Get the drift?

He was bothered by this because he feels everyone living in a small community knows everyone else, even if indirectly. He’s not wrong, but what he doesn’t know is that there is a sisterhood. One of the sisterhood’s unspoken codes is that women do not go out with other women’s ex’s.

It’s something not all women prescribe to and most men don’t get.

I ask people on the 365 Days to Find Love survey if they would date a friend’s ex. Here is how some readers responded.

The Question: Under what circumstances would you say it is permissible to date a friend’s ex-spouse?

The Answers:

None, I don’t take my friend’s leftovers.

Never!

If you couldn’t help falling in love and she is ok with it.

Okay, as long they aren’t still too close

Not okay. Never okay.

Only if you kill him first.

Only if the friend is dead.

None. You can only if you’re willing to give up the friendship.

My opinion is that if you, as a woman, have socialized with another woman, and you have common friends, have had one on one chats with a girlfriend, go out for dinner as girlfriends or have attended parties together, and that girl’s boyfriend or husband was an unknown entity, he should stay an unknown.

That means he’s off limits.

Think long term. Imagine trying to integrate someone into a social setting that you and the ex are part of. Can you spell “uncomfortable” for all concerned?

There are plenty of male fish in the dating sea, and I personally don’t want to get hooked on someone else’s line.