Smart Dating

One simple question, how can we date smart?

When it comes to smart dating, it is better to emphasize quality over quantity and have our “deal breaker list” handy. What does this mean? It means we have to be picky. While being a little choosy might limit the number of dates we embark upon, it will dramatically increase the quality of the date and the likelihood of finding the ideal match. Here is a general guide of questions to ask about your potential mate before that first date:

Cheryl: “When we are in our 20s we think we are fearless and we are invincible and we’re not. Whatever we are doing in our 20s and 30s does not have the same responsibilities to another person as we would later in our lives. What happens when we are in our 50s and dating? We really need to be smart. At that point, we do have responsibility, we have children and grandchildren – but the dating world has a lot of unexpected.”

1. What’s my first impression?

Yes, you should never judge a book by it’s cover but before you truly get to know the person, this information can be very helpful in weeding out potential hopefuls. How well your date presents themselves can be very telling. Are they dressed well, casual or like a slob? Fashion choice can reveal how this individual presents themselves to the world on a daily basis. What sort of lifestyle do they live by? Do they drink, smoke or use drugs? These are the basic deal breakers that can immediately put your date in either the YES or NO column. Identifying your red flags at the outset can save you time and heartbreak down the road.

2. How well do I know them?

This scale can range from stranger, acquaintance, mutual friend and friend. If you’re going out with a friend or mutual friend then you most likely already have a good idea of the basic deal breakers. In this case, you must dive deeper to determine compatibility. If they are a stranger, be mindful of first impressions.

3. Do they treat others with respect?

This is an important question to ask in order to identify signs of emotional abuse that might manifest down the line. You can observe how they address the servers at the restaurant or bar, nothing is more telling about a person’s personality than how they treat those in the service industry. Also, if your date starts talking negatively about their ex or brags about their sexual exploits, start thinking of your exit strategy. Respect is key when finding your heart a home.

4. Do your values clash?

If the things most important to you in your life are not the things that will appear on your date’s radar, long term compatibility might be amiss. Identifying the direction of your own life path and that of your partner’s will shed some light on what your potential future together. If you’re both on opposite life paths, this difference will surely cause deep issues in the long term. Before emotionally investing yourself and intertwining your lives, it is best to avoid inevitable future divergence.

However, what if we are unsure of who we are and what we want? What if we don’t know how to be picky?

Marnie: “When you’re younger, you don’t realize why your pattern is the way it is and why you’re getting involved in a certain relationship. It’s not before you become a little wiser and start to realize that somethings don’t work for you and you look inside yourself to figure out why that is and what are the choices and what you are attracting. I’m a work in progress, I think we all are – it’s part of the process of dating smart”

The process of dating smart is not a black and white process of asking questions. The key lies in knowing who you are, what you want and identifying the positive traits, as well as, the red flags when on a date. With everything in life, the path to smart dating is a learning process.

Cheryl: “You start to change those [negative dating] patterns and recognize them now with each relationship. When asking the question about being foolish when dating an overwhelming response given from people centres around saying ‘I was foolish and I gave my heart to the wrong person’. But it’s not about that, when we give love, we give love and what we learn from it is what makes us grow and move forward”

Dating Smart is a learning process and every encounter should be treated as such.

Marnie: “There is no mistake in loving somebody. If somebody takes advantage of you, that is not a reflection of you”

How can you date smarter?

Listen to the “Fools in Love” Episode HERE!