Love Style and Casual Sex

Sex on the first date, what does it mean and should you be having it? Does sex on the first date open the doors to a long-lasting relationship or does it set the stage for a casual sex arrangement? Love style and casual sex go Hand in Hand. The question of whether you should be having sex on the first date can be answered by identifying your love style and that of your potential partner.

It all comes down to this, the likelihood of casual sex or a lasting relationship depends on the type of love style one practices. Let us refer to 2 of the Ancient Greek words for love and explore the variations of love styles that exist, there is passionate love (Eros) and game-playing love (Ludic).

When it comes to casual sex, let’s start by exploring the nature of Ludic lovers. Those who are ludic lovers approach love as if it were a game or conquest.

Beryl: “Every guy and every girl go through a ‘bimbo and bimbette phase’. Love enters through the eyes and you want to sleep with him or her. Being in the bimbo and bimbette phase, all you want is pleasure and you’re not thinking about a relationship”

As such, these individuals approach romance with no intent of commitment but rather as a challenge with a prize to be won. Ludic lovers will generally be involved in several “love games” simultaneously and lack the will to commit to a deeply emotional relationship. Moreover, ludic lovers garner the greatest pleasure from sex in the absence of deep, emotional involvement. The ludic love style is fueled by attention, risk and danger. In sum, those who approach relationships with a ludic style will be more likely to engage in casual sex. If you are out with a ludic lover and you are having sex after that first date, chances are you are nothing more than a prize.

For the Eros lover, on the other hand, sex and passion might be primary priorities but developing a sensual connection is to follow. In this way, Eros lovers are sensual rather than promiscuous and engage in sex for pleasure but also with the expectation of future emotional intimacy.

Cheryl: There should always be romance. Date the person you’re with forever and ever!

So, sex on the first date, what does it mean and should you be having it? If you are two ludic lovers having sex on the first date, then you are simply just winning the game and claiming your prize. If you are two eros lovers having sex on the first date, there is the mutual expectation that emotional intimacy will follow. However, sex on the first date between a ludic and an eros lover spells trouble.

Cheryl: “A lot of people do think that if they sleep with somebody it is the key to the relationship and it’s NOT. It’s always up to the individual to choose sex. Do not sleep with somebody that first night if you’re not ready to wake up in the morning and be okay with just that. The fact is, that first night can mean a lot”

One of the players in the game is playing to win and the other is playing for keeps. In this case, sex on the first date might not be the best idea for the Eros lover who will ultimately end up hurt.

Linda: “I get a lot of those girls who come to me for advice and let me tell you, they really do care and they are messed up because of it, because they are waiting for the guy to call them next day, afraid of texting too many times – but the guy has moved on, he’s had his sex and he’s not interested, but she is, she thinks because she’s had sex with him, she has a chance”

Overall, communication is key. If you are truthfully communicating your love style to your partner, then expectations can be accurately set at the outset.

Linda: “If you jump in too fast, you could be in trouble if you do not know yourself”

But, a word of caution, if a Ludic lover is playing love like a game, misrepresentation might be part of the strategy to win.

Cheryl: “There is a difference between two people entering into a sexual relationship because that’s what they want, do whatever you want because it’s good for you! We should know what our goals are and our values”

What kind of love style do you have?

Listen to “The Man Thing” Episode HERE!