Cheryl Besner: Rebounds should be reserved for basketball courts
I am often asked why some people dive from one relationship right into another after a breakup, and I’m surprised that the answer isn’t obvious. This is called “rebounding” and can give some people the illusion of healing by masking the emotions that are often too painful to address.
Like a basketball game, the scenario usually goes something like this: A person shoots the ball, it rebounds and bounces into the hands of a player on the other team, only to be passed off again to another, then another, until someone finally shoots and scores. The scoring chances of the one who first had possession of the ball is slim, as the basket is far off in the distance, requiring several passes to in order to score.
If you’ve been “rebounded,” it will do no good to question why that person got involved with you. You should be asking yourself why you entered into a relationship with someone who is fresh off the court and still worn out from the last game.
There are some people who are serial monogamists and need to constantly be in a relationship. If you find yourself dating one of these, you may be lucky and enjoy a solid union, but most people need time to heal, explore, and regain their sense of self before starting to date again.
A good rule for those who want a serious relationship is to only date someone who is fully divorced – or, if the person was never married to their previous live-in partner, single and dating for at least a year.
Here are seven classic signs that indicate you are in a rebound relationship. If any of these ring true, I suggest you call off the game!
1) Declarations of love within the first few weeks. Who can really know anyone to the extent of loving them in such a short period of time?
2) The relationship is moving too fast. You are rarely apart and behave as if you have been together forever, yet there no real commitment.
3) You don’t really share of yourselves or connect with each other on a deep emotional level. Your conversations are largely about trivial matters.
4) Your partner is always flaunting you and your relationship in front of their ex.
5) You’re having sex all the time. Even great sex can be a cover for a larger issue. Your partner could be making up for lost time, trying to fill a void, or using sex as a distraction to avoid any real emotional connection.
6) They seem bitter and constantly trash-talk their ex. Apart from being an insight into how they resolve arguments, it’s important to remember that anything they say about their former partner, they may one day say about you!
7) Your partner often compares you to their ex.
If these signs seem familiar and you are indeed in a rebound relationship, please know that there’s very little you can do to change the outcome . I have heard endless stories of people crying their eyes out because they believed that if they just “loved them enough,” their partner would love them back and build a lasting relationship.
If you do meet someone whom you think may be the one for you, but who is new to the game, I have a suggestion: Bench yourself near them! Watch the play from the sidelines. Let them see you while they’re running up and down the court. Then, when you see them setting up and needing a teammate to pass to… Move into position and make that slam dunk!
– Cheryl xo
