“The Fear of flying solo”
Did you ever wake up on the other side of “happily ever after” to “OMG what just happened to my life?”
Coming face to face with a fear of flying solo when you have spent years navigating the skies of life with a co-pilot can be daunting.
I know how it feels as I said goodbye to my 25 year marriage and found myself solo at 52, taking a jump from that crashing plane, without a parachute. Or so I thought as I suddenly realized I had me! That’s when I started writing my blog “365 days to find love”! Through self exploration connecting and communicating with others, I overcame my fears so it’s safe to say, if I did it, so can you. It didn’t happen overnight and it took lots of hard work, but I was able to find my happy place again.
Cheryl: “Fears are something that we are meant to conquer, when we conquer our fears we move forward and fears are really there to keep us stuck, they keep us safe…but they don’t allow us to keep growing…”
Why are so many people afraid of being alone? Could it be that inner child frozen in terror, shivering under the sheets at night afraid of the dark (the unknown), of being abandoned or not being loved at all in the first place? Is it based on our insecurities that we can’t take care of ourselves, provide for ourselves because somewhere in our souls we think we are not destined for success? All of these are scary thoughts and emotions, yet ALL are NOT facts, just limited beliefs!
Some people stay in unhealthy, unhappy relationships because they are afraid of being alone, afraid of not meeting anyone. I have heard that line so many times.
Cheryl: “A lot of us are still in the presence of trying to figure out where to go and all I can tell you is with each day, one step at a time dealing with your fears you will get there…I did it YOU can too.”
So many fears keep us from being our best selves and living our best life! What a shame to let fears take control of US! I can assure you that YOU can face your fears. Just start with little steps, have faith in yourself and start by taking action.
Monica: “I’m Lebanese, moved to Canada, was married and have three kids…thought I had the perfect life…and after a few months my ex-husband now says he doesn’t want to be married anymore… I’m in a new country…a new place…I broke down because I didn’t know how to survive in this environment…I didn’t know who I was…so I started asking for guidance…that’s when things started to appear, help, people…I kept following my curiosity, I got better, healthier and was able to deal with my life…”
Cheryl: “When you were 21, you were told you weren’t going to walk in the future…that’s a fear onto itself…You just chose the positive, to push through that…”
Nelson Calfat: “When I was very young I really enjoyed writing, reading, speaking… I really loved it when I found that you can put words together and move people, it could affect their life and create images… I just knew that that’s what I wanted to do… I started my first business with $200…and I know what it’s like to sleep in my car and now I have six businesses and company… several other businesses and currently returning to my love of writing…”
What if you were to take full responsibility for yourself? Start by valuing who you are, know your worth; listen to your inner voices, start taking care of yourself physically and emotionally. If you take all these steps of investing in yourself, you will start feeling less and less alone.
Cheryl: “I think that’s the biggest fear of people…letting yourself be vulnerable…Vulnerability is allowing yourself to be vulnerable to your own thoughts…to your own being and say I have to let myself feel these things…did you allow it to really manifest within your spirituality and clarity coaching?”
Monica: “ As a Lebanese person, we were taught never to show emotions…that’s the key actually when I started opening up to people about where I was in my life and that’s when I started building great connections and my healing started through writing… my blogs…it was all from a vulnerable place…”
Nelson: “If you’re creating from a place of fear, well you can’t expect love as a result you can’t put vinegar on a rosebush and expect flowers, so creating from a point of love first for yourself and then reflecting and projecting that out into the world to create a life that you really love…”
The only time we actually feel alone is when we abandon ourselves. The most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. Remember that being lonely is a stage that can occur in life, within a relationship or without. Some people may be in relationships, but they feel alone. It is so important to know the difference between feeling lonely and being alone.
Cheryl: “Do you think that you still have any fears about being solo, about standing on your own two feet, being independent?”
Monica: “For sure…Much much less now…that was my biggest fears…I relied completely on my ex husband I had to learn independence…it’s terrifying…at the beginning, becoming independent…it’s scary…I can say now much less…”
Cheryl: “When you’re afraid of something, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have a fear that comes up within you as you’re about to do it… it just means that you push through it, that you get to the other side and you just do what you’re afraid of and allow yourself to go there…”
Nelson: “Fear is a reaction and love is a choice.”
When the holiday season approaches, many feel alone as they don’t have that special someone to cozy up with, to take home to their families or friends. Couples all bundled up in love can leave singles feeling left out especially during the holidays…That’s when people really miss having that plus one!
Bunty: “It’s not about being afraid it’s really just about managing the levels of sadness that you have…when I see people posting I feel happy for them but at the same time you do desire it…you shouldn’t have a fear of being alone or being able to spend time alone, it’s more about just replacing that fear with the desire…”
Cheryl: “The holidays remind us that it is nice to share life with somebody, to have a partner, somebody who will be beside you and hold your hand and share experiences together…”
Monica: “It is about connecting… it’s not about fear, it’s about sadness and happy for other people but saying OK when is it gonna be my time to meet someone…”
Bunty: “I’ve moved away from oh when is it gonna be my time…it used to be like that, now it’s more about just the desire, understanding that you have a desire for that kind of connection.”
Just because you’re solo, doesn’t mean that you can’t be social! So be open, put yourself out there and try to meet people through different means. Joining activities that interest you can lead to making new friends and you never know, potentially meeting your plus one!
Cheryl: “Most people will admit to the fact that they have a desire but for some people the fear overpowers the desire to choose love, to make a choice that I am going to power through my fears of rejection…there’s fear of getting hurt, there is fear that I’m never going to meet somebody…many say there are no good men good women out there…”
Monica:”Getting back into a relationship after you’ve been through pain is not easy but I’ve decided that I’m ready but it takes time to get back to getting to know yourself because you need to know who you are before you get into any relationship with somebody…”
The relationship that you have with yourself sets the tone for any relationship that you encounter. You have to love yourself and be proud of who you are as a person. Then you will attract the love and relationship that you truly deserve.
Cheryl: “You can’t be in a relationship unless you know who you are because then you’re not presenting yourself to the other person…What you put out there is what people see”
Nelson: “Our thoughts, our words, our actions are how we express our intention and how we create our lives, so when we default to fear, we need to step back and recognize that we are either excepting someone else’s fear or creating fear for ourselves…”
Cheryl: “We have to confront the limiting beliefs that stop us from moving forward and conquer those fears about insecurities and who we are…Replacing fear it’s about being purposeful and I think that’s the best way to conquer fears, to have a purpose, to have something in mind that you need to achieve and want to achieve to get to the next level…”
The real mastery of learning how to handle your fear of being alone comes from learning to develop a strong relationship with yourself. You have to identify your fears and face them. To me, FEAR stands for: FACE everything and RISE! It may take some time, but the end result is so rewarding.
Once you learn how to connect deeply with your true self, you will realize that you’re never alone. It is this deep inner connection that takes away the fear of being alone.
If you need any dating advice or my support, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656). I promise to keep you “up to date “in your love life.