“Dish on Dating”

There are many differences between men and women, both in the way we’re designed physically and the way we process things emotionally. We view relationships differently and in most cases, the main issue is not being clear on what we’re looking for. Transitioning from casual dating to a serious relationship becomes a lot smoother when our life style, values and goals align with each other and for the most part, we see things eye to eye.

In general, an ideal relationship for a woman is one where she feels understood and connected to her partner that truly understands her. The ideal relationship for a man is one where he gets to feel like the man. I don’t believe that the emotions experienced in relationships have changed all that much in the last decade or more, but what has mostly changed is the way people interact with each other.

Nowadays, a lot of communication happens via texting and people talk way less on the phone. That’s what modern dating is all about which has become challenging for many especially the older generations who find themselves back in the “single dating pool”.

How do we interact on the first date? Are men and women looking for the same thing?

Cheryl: “We wanna date nice guys…what is considered a nice guy?”

Anouk: “Somebody who’s respectful, who is fun, who’s not too nice…but the respect is the main thing…”

Rebecca: “A push over getting taken advantage of is too nice…”

Cheryl: “There is something about giving somebody just enough to wanna keep them coming back…It’s fun to do things that are a surprise, that are different and out of the box…”

Bunty: “I love spontaneity… I’m never really concerned about showing the most of myself, you can’t really ever cover everything about yourself in one single date…the mystery part for me is I don’t sleep with them on the first date…honestly I wait 2 weeks most of the time, I need to love the person, to get into it…”

Generally, men like to feel acknowledged, respected, and appreciated. They enjoy the role of being givers, so for a man, the ideal woman is one who can happily receive. There is nothing sexier or more appealing to him than a happy woman who appreciates the things that he has to offer. So does it bother men when a woman is more successful in their career? Is that intimidating?

“The research is pretty compelling, for men the likability for success go hand in hand; in other words the more successful a man becomes, the more people like him, but with women, it’s the exact opposite ,the more professionally successful we are, the less people like us…” -Hilary Clinton-

Cheryl: “How do you feel about dating successful women?”

Bunty: “ I only wanna date successful women…I need someone that I can rely on, if stuff were to hit the fan, that they have my back, it’s also about the fact that they are self accomplished, they know their place in the world …I know what I’m doing, they should know what they’re doing too.”

Renzel: “Some men need to grow up; if the woman in your life is making more money than you, then good for us…do you want to be comfortable or happy…”?

Rebecca: “Right now my main goal is to accomplish my business and to make it grow…but the guys that I wanna date are gonna be okay with the fact that I’m independent and that I’m running my own company…you have to choose a guy that’s not insecure…I like to go for guys that are as driven as I am…they’re gonna help me grow as well.”

Renzel: “You should be clear about what you’re looking for no matter what…some people are more conservative inside how they were raised and they’re looking for someone to take care of the home and there’s a woman out there who wants that too; but if you’re not gonna celebrate what it takes for your woman to be out there in the World… leave her alone…that’s what I believe.”

Anouk: “I love what I do and I need to be with someone who respects what I do too…other than my children right now it’s all about my career…To have a guy just to support you emotionally is so much more important than a guy supporting you financially. I mean who cares about the finances…at the end of the day, I had a guy who supported me financially and he’s not a nice person and I would be very happy if I never saw him again…”

Changes in technology in the past decade have changed the way people connect, the way people view dating and how they communicate with each other.  This has affected the way people form and maintain relationships because social media causes so many distractions. Many people are less “present” in the moment and attached to a device that is unhealthy.

Bunty: “I wouldn’t be on a date with someone who was always on their phone, I can always gage if a date is good if I haven’t pulled out my phone…”

Renzel: “I love it as a tool…some people have an addiction…fear of missing out…social media has brought us together…it’s a great tool…but if whatever you’re looking at is not gonna change in ten minutes, it’s still gonna be there…so if you can’t be here right now, then we’ll see each other tomorrow…”

Cheryl: “It’s that like, it’s that adrenaline rush…it’s like oh my gosh, it’s liked, what it really says is that I’m liked…I’m popular….face book was created to bring people together but it actually has caused people to disconnect…”

Rebecca: “That’s me…I have an addiction…it’s also because I love what I do and Instagram is part of my business, the fact that I can do it for business and for personal…I’m always on my phone… to disconnect it’s really hard…”

Relationships are not always smooth sailing. Sometimes things fall apart and we gain experience in hopes of doing things better the next time. It takes work and commitment from both parties to nurture it and keep it alive. A relationship is like a plant!  You have to water it, take care of it for it to grow and for it to stay healthy for as long as possible.

Cheryl: “We learn from our past…and history teaches us things, to do things different…The key point is making a decision because monogamy is a decision, it’s not something that comes naturally to us, it’s a commitment we make to the person so it’s not about the title, it’s about making a decision.”

Renzel: “What’s good right now, six months removed should still be good from now. If it’s not, it wasn’t good in the first place…so if you take the insecurities aside all this social pressure, get to know this person…there’s something stronger about choosing each other every day before you graduate to something else…”

In today’s society, women are leading successful lives, building careers alongside their family; they are a lot more independent and strong. Although times have changed and relationships between men and woman have evolved, does the opposite sex have it easier in the dating world?

Anouk: “I actually do think it’s easier for men, no matter how much the new modern way is, that women are equal, there’s still certain stereotypes in society, maybe I’m old fashioned…”

Cheryl: “Do you believe in happily ever after?”

Bunty: “I do… people forget to put fiscal matters aside and focus on falling in love. I feel like everyone wants to fall in love but they’ve lost sight of that recently…I’ve never been afraid of falling in love…I feel like that focus is gone and it needs to come back.”

Renzel: “It’s possible…I don’t believe in someone that was destined for you… the dream is what kills modern relationships…everything is about timing…”

Cheryl: “I know that I will be with somebody again for a very long time…because I want a long term committed relationship and I do plan on living til a hundred twenty and looking good doing it …I could end up being with the second long term relationship person in my life longer than I was with the first person…it does depend on that day to the next to the next…”

The key for a relationship to succeed is to communicate your needs in a way that the other person can hear it. If you come from a place of compassion and appreciation, he or she will tune into exactly what you’re saying and will try to do whatever they can to make you happy.

You have to put yourself out there, be honest with yourself as to what you’re looking for and know what it is that you need to lead a happy love life. I always believe that if you love your life, your love life will happen.

If you need any dating advice, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656)

Cheryl xo