“Dish on Dating”

Once a month, I gather two men and two women to get the “Dish on Dating” as we get to the heart of the matter on various relationship issues.

Cheryl: “A lot of people think that there’s a lot of games happening in the relationship world…it’s about putting your relationship in perspective…so how do we keep up to date?”

So what is it that men and women really want? What’s trending in your life, in your community, with your friends and in your relationship world? Let’s get you up to date with the help of this month’s guests at my cupid’s table.

So what’s the status of these hopeless romantics?

Howard: “Am I happy being single? It would be wrong of me to say I’m not happy. But at this stage of our lives, we’ve all had our fun, we’ve all done things that we wanted to do…it’s probably time to find a mate that just understands you, a mate that you can spend quality time with, a good time with doesn’t mean travelling the world…nice to know that there’s somebody that is always there for you.”

Lizzie: “I’m dating someone, just seeing how things go…”

Carrie: “I’m content being good with myself, sort of enjoying it.”

Michel: “I’m single and happy at the moment.”

Cheryl: “A lot of people in their 40’s, 50’s…it’s more about I am happy as a person, I have a full life, but it would be nice to share that with somebody.”

Clearly, there are some differences in the way the opposite sex thinks, yet the dating dilemmas seem to be the same.

So how do we find that special someone without settling? We meet through online dating sites, blind dates, or possibly by doing activities we love. Eventually, comes the first date and no wonder it’s only natural that there is a difference of opinion on how these men and women feel about the initial encounter.

Howard: “Most people… can’t stand the date number one, they can’t stand the phoniness.”

Carrie: “It’s the feeling of not being connected.”

Michel: “I can’t stand date number one.”

Lizzie: “People putting themselves out there, some people are scared…”

Cheryl: “I love the first date…”

We live in the age of online dating and it can be quite challenging due to a lack of communication and honesty. But there is a right way to enter into internet dating. It is important to have reasonable expectations and it is important to accept the fact that you want to meet someone. Be selective as YOU control your screen! ASK questions. Never assume and make sure to see and get to know who is really sitting in front of you.

Carrie: “There are two kinds of dating, first date…if you know someone is not that scary, but if you’re meeting somebody for the first time, a blind date like online dating, it’s different. They are two very different things.”

Surprisingly, a common issue for many using online dating apps is realizing people’s statuses are literally not “up to date”. The Pinocchio syndrome goes beyond tight weight and age as some noses grow even longer when it comes to their marital status. So how do you avoid engaging with people who are not like minded or truly available on every level?

Cheryl: “Dating 101, don’t assume, ask the questions…For example, you may ask: how long have you been separated, divorced…women are afraid to ask and find out that question and leave if hanging in the background.”

Howard: “It’s the most intelligent question to ask someone’s status… and if someone doesn’t wanna answer…then you know your answer.”

Lizzie: “People are scared to ask questions, cause they’re scare of the answers.”

Howard: “Now days, most of the people already have done their homework whether it’s a blind date or not…in the old days, people didn’t know as much as now…but now, you do your homework prior.”

Meeting the one can be quite challenging today and finding that right match. It’s important to work on yourself.

Cheryl: “It only takes one match that’s going to light your fire…”

Many women believe their biggest challenge is that men are only attracted to beauty and youth.

Michel: “Probably true…I have never dated a woman my age…I happen to date younger women.  I’m in my sixties…I wouldn’t have a serious relationship with a twenty five year old.”

There is a difference between dating and having a long term relationship. Having fun is one thing; commitment is a whole other ball game.

Howard: “To have the idea of dating a woman who is the same age as my son would nauseate me. I just turned 58 and I personally would not go any lower than early forties, fifteen and sixteen…difference that kind of thing…”

Cheryl: “When it comes down to a relationship, men want compatibility; they want something familiar, somebody that understands, you don’t get that when you have twenty years difference between people. In all fairness, a lof of men, when they first get out of a relationship, do go younger, but guess what, so do the women.”

Now, we see way more women dating younger men. It depends which stage of life you’re in. As a woman, if you have had children or don’t care to have any and you meet a younger man with the same mindset, it can work depending on the age gap. But what do women really want?

Carrie: “The communication and being on the same page…flowing, laughter, kindness…that’s what women want…”

Lizzie: “I’m in my early 20’s and I’d rather date someone who’s older than me. My max would be around 10 years…a lof of my friends as well…they want someone that is more ready to settle down, more mature…that is definitely what I want and most men in their early 20’s don’t have that.”

Cheryl: “Age difference catches up to you…that’s the differences in the ages…it’s not just age it’s about stage in life.”

Physical appearance is important when dating but to what extent? The men highlighted how extremely important looks are to them but not as much for the women. They preferred chemistry, attraction, being drawn to the person’s personality. Let’s be honest, when dealing with only “eye candy”, from a man or woman’s perspective, it will only go so far. Eventually, having a real exchange will win over to build a long term relationship.

Cheryl: “I’ve dated all kinds of men…looks have never been my priority…”

There seems to be controversy as well when it comes to dating and money. How important is it to be with someone who’s financially independent? Many men believe women want financial security first and foremost. However, most women want to feel that they can rely on their partner emotionally and as opposed to just financially.

Carrie: “The women that I know, they want partnership security…the partner would pull their weight, pull equal weight…”

Michel: “I’m looking for someone who’s on the same level.”

When pushed and asked if he would ever support a woman financially if need be, his answer was:

Michel: “Been there, done that, pass. In my dating life now…it’s nice to know that there’s someone that cares for you, to spend quality time.”

Howard: “I would love to date a woman that is at least able to take care of herself without me.”

Lizzie: “I think it’s very important to be financially independent.”

Bottom line, when you take the yin and the yang, separate them and ask them the same question, one can see why there are so many miscommunication and break downs in today’s relationships. I suggest everyone practice listening as most people don’t listen enough when communicating.

When looking for a relationship, don’t rush into things; take your time to get to know the person. See if your lifestyle, values and goals align together.

I want to keep you on track in today’s dating world as times have certainly changed and so has dating with the internet that has taken over in so many ways.

“Solo in the City” is not just about singles. Au contraire! It’s about how to date yourself, date someone new and how to keep dating your present partner now and forever.

If you are interested in taking part of the “Dish on Dating”, reach out. Sign up on my website www.cherylbesner.com follow me on Facebook: Cheryl Besner & Co. and I promise to keep you “Up to DATE”.

If you need any dating advice, please do not hesitate to reach out to me for my coaching or matchmaking services at: 1-844-744-SOLO (7656)

Cheryl xo