“Is single the new norm”?

Solo living is exploding and becoming less stigmatized. In modern lives, living alone and being single is quickly becoming the new norm. Can one lead a full life without a ring? Are people choosing to be single because that’s really what they want or do they think that they have to give something up when choosing to be in a relationship?

Cheryl: “When you go out into the relationship world and the Dating world because they are two different things…dating can lead to a relationship, but some people just wanna date and they wanna keep it simple, other people want to go to a relationship, so it’s important that both are on the same path…it’s important to be up front with the people that you are going out with.”

Regardless of how many “marriageable” people are around, many are “unwed” because life offers other outlets for living a successful full life; career, travel, family, friends, sexual satisfaction and more. It is not surprising that single people are often likely to have a more active social life compared to coupled ones and gone is the judgment. The question is, is that due to desire versus wanting to keep busy to avoid being lonely. Today, it comes down to a lifestyle choice and there is nothing wrong with choosing a life that we feel happy in.

Many couples live together before getting married and some have no intention of ever tying the knot for fear of getting “choked “or due to disbelief in the institution of marriage. There is nothing wrong with that as long as it works for them.

As for people who aren’t in relationships, maybe it’s not so easy to find someone these days, or they are more content living alone. For some, coming out of a long term relationship creates that fear of investing in a committed relationship all over again, which seems like a big mountain to climb!!

Cheryl: “Fear is there for one reason…keeps us safe…when we are safe we feel good and secure…if you don’t deal with fears, you get stuck… we have to value ourselves… A relationship that ends is not a failure, it’s your lesson and that lesson makes us stronger and more aware…so that the next relationship is better, and we keep doing it til we get it right.”

Technology has changed the dating world all together. So many dating apps, so many people to choose from, so many options at the tip of our fingers. There is freedom in being single and most certainly less responsibility.

Cheryl: “Dating apps are there for a reason, because it does put more opportunity, we are able to meet more people and it does expand our social parameters, but the dating sites are there for you to get on, meet somebody, choose them and then go on a date and have a connection.” 

Marina: “I find that people do not interact with each other, get to know the person, get to know your interest, get to know your passions, your hobbies, get to know who you are, your values, one of the things that has changed; technology has been introduced …it’s all about the world of now, what you could get now, and how everything is so easily accessible, I mean you can either swipe left or swipe right.”

https://youtu.be/ReNf-Mycz4U

People have more freedom, so they take it. New types of relationships are thriving, think about it: friends with benefits, occasional hookups, temporary flames, and open relationships etc…All these statuses are technically “single” but with the benefit of relationships.

Sandro: “I find that people feel like they’re missing something. There are different statuses, all of it mixed up, that’s what’s out there…Before it was either you were single or married..Now it’s are we seeing each other, it’s complicated, this ones used for this, this one for that, from a woman’s point of view and men. Back in the days, there was no Facebook or Instagram, people used to hear about my stories on vacation…now you see posts about things, places within minutes…everything is out there in the open.”

Relationships cost commitment, sacrifice, compromise, time and effort. We live in a day and age where being single, divorced or just dating casually is no longer things to be ashamed of.

Roee: “I was trying to rebuild my career and life after my divorce… there are so many factors where fear comes into play, when you have kids, there is so much to consider…but when you start to value yourself more, you start to open up to other opportunities.”

There is a difference between loneliness and solitude and you need to make sure that you are okay in that space. In order to attract the right person for you, you have to make sure that you know what you are looking for and which stage of life you are in. There are many different ways to meet people.

Devina: “Tinder is about connecting with people…and first step is putting yourself out there…We attract who we are.” I am intentionally single, I enjoy it, it’s an opportunity to know myself better, to love myself better and perhaps there will be a time when I will wanna be in a relationship.” 

Cheryl: “Tinder it’s the toy, it’s the gimmick, it’s the game one. If you want a relationship, Tinder is not necessarily the first go-to. There are more apps that are more relationship bound than Tinder…as statistics are not high.”

Sandro: “Tinder is like a pick up bar…you have your choice… it’s like walking into a bar and you might get lucky in an hour or after a couple of dates…but I don’t recommend it.”

Cheryl: “The whole thing about compromise is not compromising yourself, compromise with the other person, meaning finding balance and harmony.”

Being single is not a curse or crime or something that needs “fixing”. The happier you are as a single person, the happier you will be in a relationship, as it is crucially important to be truly happy on your own and never to place your happiness in someone else’s hands.

Cheryl: “You have to know who you are before you get into a relationship…be in a relationship with yourself first, you have to know your values, lifestyle and goals… You have to be upfront with the people that you are going out with.”

One should never make the mistake of losing their identity by being in a relationship. No matter what your status is, remain true to yourself and never settle for anything less than an extraordinary relationship. Whether you are solo or coupled up, the important thing is to be happy with your life. Love your life as you have ONE life to live.

If you need any dating advice, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656).

Cheryl xo