“A Sexy Lifestyle”

02 Aug 2017

How do you feel about a relationship with complete transparency? One that is based on loyalty, more fun, freedom, and fewer barriers? I am referring to having an open relationship, more specifically the “art of swinging”!

In simple words, swingers are people who are in committed relationships, usually married, who swap partners with other like minded couples. In today’s world few people stick with one partner their entire lives whether due to divorce, death or just plain old boredom and wanting the next best thing! Monogamy is something people are wrestling with daily.

Fact is monogamy is a choice we make, not a natural instinct we are born with.

The world of swinging is tough to define in a sentence as there isn’t just one way for a couple to swing and it depends on a mutual preference to spice up a love/sex life.

Cheryl: “How did you come about on this…being open and being sexually adventurous with your partner…how to keep it sexier?”

Carol and David: “We ended up on a vacation that David booked and it was at a topless optional resort in Mexico… we happened to meet a couple on the beach… they happened to be swingers and explained what swinging lifestyle was over the course of several days, we asked many questions, we were very curious…one thing led to the other and we became interested to know more…after two three days, that was our first swinging experience.”

Trust respect and loyalty are the cornerstone of any relationship. There is no room for jealousy. Couples, monogamous or not, need to communicate and overcome fears that lead to any negative energy and make the other partner feel safe.

Cheryl: “When you saw David watching this other couple, did that bother you at first?”

Carol and David: “No we like looking at all the beautiful women and men on the beach, I like looking at men, he likes looking at women so we guessed that we are already more open than some people.”

Individual sexual appetites may vary and people’s needs may change with time and within a relationship. Open discussions are important in keeping a relationship intact ensuring everyone’s needs are being met.

So the question is, are you are compatible on a sexual level or at least willing to adapt and grow together?

Cheryl, David, Carol.

Cheryl: “Let’s talk about compatibility when it comes to a sexual relationship, because it starts with the two of you together, you made a decision and it was a very compatible decision that you both wanted to enter this lifestyle together. So how important is compatibility with two people within a sexual relationship, meaning frequency and fantasy and what you wanna experience together?”

Carol and David: “If you’re not a compatible couple sexually, eventually that’s gonna catch up with you, because at the beginning of your relationship when you’re having all that hot sex and everything is going well at the honeymoon phase, eventually that fades and then your desire fades too, so that’s when you find your real true compatibility.”

Relationships get stale and many express getting bored, so there are ways of spicing things up. If you are with someone for a long time, you have to open up and make sure you’re expressing your needs. Talking about sex is important and to be willing to explore your sexuality no matter what type of lifestyle you are in.

Carol and David: “If you haven’t discussed it prior for the life term, it’s always good to early on talk about those things and one of them is of course intensity, frequency, how often you wanna have sex.”

If you chose to be in this type of lifestyle no matter what “type” of swinger you are, you have to have a very strong relationship and be sure that you partner loves YOU and that no matter what, you’re going home with that person “you claim yours”. So it really comes down to the amount of TRUST you have in each other. Swinging is mostly just about sex!

Carol and David: “It’s very simple…the only important person is your partner because that’s the person you’re going home with so you can’t hurt your partner’s feeling cause that’s the person you love.”

Carol and David: “This is not about an emotional thing, no one is heartbroken, this is not an emotional thing…it’s about us having a great time and every swinger situation we go into , when we go home, it has to strengthen our couple otherwise it was not the right thing for us to do.”

The more open you are with one another in your level of communication, the stronger your bond and level of closeness will be. There is no “app” when it comes to communication so the best thing is to be YOU.

Cheryl: “And this has strengthened your couple, this has made you stronger and never thought you’d have the sex life that you have created for yourselves.”

Carol and David: “Well we are definitely emotionally monogamous; we are a committed strong couple.”

Cheryl: “Again it comes down to respect, it comes down to communication, it comes down to trust and people are probably gonna say your’e crazy but it comes down to loyalty, you are both really loyal to this couple and to each other.”

There are several variations of swinging to enhance your sex life. Full swap is where you are open to sharing your partner with another couple. In Soft swap, there’s no penetration, but kissing, touching and sometimes oral sex. Then you have swingers that are open to being watched by other couples while having sex and vice versa.

Carol and David: “There are different levels of swinging so it’s not about going all out, you can do one and just stay where you are, but 17% of the North American population identify as one way or the other of being in the lifestyle, just being open-minded.”

Whenever you meet another couple in the lifestyle, it’s usual to disclose what you’re looking for as a couple to see if there’s a mutual interest. One of the first questions couples ask each other is what they’re down for and they take it from there depending on their boundaries and understanding in their relationship. Relationships begin and end in the bedroom so it is in your best interest to keep your communication strong.

People in this type of lifestyle say that it helps keep their marriage spicy and exciting and makes their relationship better. Swingers don’t swing to fill a void in their marriage, but to enhance it. Most couples have found best friends in their swinger lifestyle and it’s not always sexual. They consider their “lifestyle friends” better friends than most “vanilla” friends (those not in this lifestyle) that they have. They are normal people that have chosen a way of life that keeps them happy and fulfilled together forever.

No matter what type of relationship you’re in, make sure your needs are met and LOVE your life!