“Runaway Husbands”

Imagine, you are in a marriage where for years, you feel loved, emotionally secure, and have never felt distrust or doubted husband’s loyalty only to have your perfect world explode. Overnight, a change in his drastic and unexplained behavior leaves you speechless and emotionally paralyzed and then….he walks out of your life, just like that! That’s what we call a “runaway husband”!

Vikki: “I was in a very happy stable long term 21 year relationship with a guy who was just a sweetheart, very warm, very loving, very available, very engaged and I thought that everything was really fine…I came home from a book tour… he came home that night… I said I bought fish… he said it’s over …and I said fine you don’t want fish I’ll get chicken, he said no it’s not the fish, it’s over, the marriage is over and I’m leaving right now.”

What’s often shocking is that this often happens to those thought to be the proverbial “Golden Couple”, as from the outside everything seemed to be “picture” perfect. So how does one deal with this type of devastation, this hit to the heart and self esteem where you feel like your whole world just fell apart?

Joe: “I was trying hard to keep it together In my case, I didn’t run away, I didn’t do it over night as much as seemingly on the outside, everybody thinks you’re a great happy family and even within the family…so nobody understood…but it was going on for a long time, you don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors.”

In a “Runaway Husband” scenario the complete opposite happens. The husband communicates nothing before exiting for good. The man who used to express that his wife was “his better half” sometimes claims they grew distant or worse, that he never really loved her. The result: a wife feeling doubtful about herself and wrestling with thoughts as to what to believe in anymore.

Vikki: “He never said he was unhappy or thinking of leaving, he never breathed a word of it, threw all his stuff in the trunk of his car and he did leave and that was the end of that relationship so I was of course completely traumatized, couldn’t figure out what had happened, how could someone that was a sweetheart, engaged husband turn into an angry vindictive stranger over night!”

Usually in this type of situation, the man is leaving for another woman and not necessarily the “super model” type but rather someone that first and foremost makes him feel like a super hero. He also has to feel like the provider and protector! Remember the cave man days…. it is still his primary instinct followed closely by the need to feel 100% secure. Add a dose of chemistry and this will trigger his ultimate DESIRE for a woman. DESIRE is the key to his heart.

Vikki: “There is a very clear pattern in this particular kind of divorce… where the husband leaves suddenly…. there’s almost always another woman involved.”

When you are facing any challenging situation in life that is tearing you up inside, you have to see past the crisis. You may feel abandoned, unloved, and insecure but you can turn this into an opportunity; one where you learn, evolve and expand as a person coming out stronger and knowing there is great life to be lived.

Cheryl: “It is really about putting your life back together whether it’s a runaway husband or runaway wife or a divorce because it’s a loss.”

Vikki: “When it’s been a long term relationship, your identity is so tagged to the other person…so as you’re working through this grieving process recognize that there is another life for you, that life goes on out there for you at the other side of this traumatic event.”

When you start doing the things that you enjoy again, take interest in new activities or perhaps pick up things that you left aside you start slowly but surely healing. You start to feel alive again and you feel better about yourself. Despite all the pain, betrayal and sadness that are normal emotions, you have to take back control of your life and aim for the happiness that you deserve. It will happen!!!

Cheryl: “I call it the three “H’s”, you can’t go through a break up of any type without going through the three H’s and that’s three stages: first one is hurt, then hostility or anger and the last one is healing and then the bonus is living a Happy life which is the best revenge… and showing yourself that you progressed, that you’ve done something for yourself and that your life is worth living.

It takes time to go through the healing process when your heart is shattered into a million pieces, where you have questioned your entire relationship over and over in your head, wondering was it all a lie? There really is no magic formula but you have to go through the different stages one day at a time to develop a strong new sense of yourself.

Vikki: “Try to keep going with the flow of your life… try to do things…whatever that is…you don’t wanna stay home and lick your wounds ……and each one of these small incremental things starts to heal and then you’re eventually able to see that you have another life and another opportunity and maybe a little bit more freedom than what you had in your relationship.”

If we choose to learn from our life experiences rather than shut down or become bitter we can move forward to a healthier relationship, especially to the one with oneself!

Cheryl: “We are individuals within a relationship and we have to own every aspect of who we are and support the other person to own who they are and let each other grow within that relationship.”

Never let go of life. You have to try not to sink into despair, but do everything it takes to create a happier and better life for yourself. Like I always say, “Love your life and your love life will happen” again in time.

If you need any dating advice, please do not hesitate to reach out to me 1-844-744-SOLO (7656)
Cheryl xo