Who can find you a better match: Mom or Professional Matchmaker?

When it comes to relating, dating and mating: who would you assign greater trust to find you a mate, a professional matchmaker or your family? The concept of matchmaking is not a novel ideal but something that is present in various non-western cultures, India serving as a prime example. This Blog is not going to explore the debates and arguments surrounding arranged marriages but it does bring up a few interesting points. The first point being, is love a necessary prerequisite for a long-term and stable relationship? Secondly, whom can best understand your best interests and find you an optimal pairing?

It can be argued that there are two different kinds of love in a relationship, the type of love that gradually grows overtime or the wild-can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each other love that belongs on the set of a Hollywood blockbuster. The love that grows gradually overtime is mellow, low-intensity but multi-leveled. Couples who experience that gradual intimacy growth fall further in love as they learn more about each other and add increased dimensions to their relationship. Moreover, opening yourself up to your partner and having your partner open up to you, creates a sense of vulnerability. Further, vulnerability involves interlocking feelings of need and empathy, resulting in the creation of unshakable emotional bonds that can last a lifetime. This is committed love that undergoes exponential growth, over the years, and leads to greater stability. On the other hand, the intense love-at-first-sight type love is shallow and not as multi-dimensional. Ultimately, a love that barely scratches the surface will experience exponential decay. This is not to say that a passion filled romance cannot transform into a slow burning gradual love. However, if that does not occur, the relationship will ultimately become unstable.

Cheryl: “Love grows… The happily ever lasting ‘I’m committed to you love’”

In the case of matchmaking, love does not serve as a prerequisite in arranged relationships. As such, the opportunity exists for the development of a slow, gradual and committed love to grow. Perhaps matchmaking is the key to successful and stable relationships.
But if matchmaking is the key to a successful relationship, we cannot discount the compatibility factor.

Cheryl: “This was my original experience with somebody wanting to fix me up on a blind date. When I asked the question, ‘what do I have in common’, the answer was, ‘oh you’re both single,’ I’m hoping he’s got a heartbeat and that he’s single. Matchmaking is not so simple”

Thus the question remains, who is better suited to find you a compatible match: a professional matchmaker or your mother (family)?

Carmelia: “Traditional matchmaking involves pairing two people based on lifestyle, attitude, values and goals. The matchmaker is the person that gets to know the individual people he/she matches. The matchmaker matches two single people based on commonalities and values, it goes beyond just two people being single”

The discussion then centres on if whether your family or a matchmaker would know you better. For instance, if a mother is well bonded with her child, she would have the best sense of her child’s value system. However, not all parental relationships are authentically close.

Carmelia: “It really depends on the relationship between the mother and child. Some relationships between mom and daughter are that of best friends. They can give advice from a place of knowledge. There are moms that really do believe they are a better matchmaker. In other cases, the conversation between mom and daughter is distant; the child is one way in front of mom and a different person outside the parental environment. In other words, the person you know and the person you don’t know”

In essence, the person who can match you with a compatible mate is the person who has a true sense of your values, beliefs and passions in life. We’ll leave you with this…

Suzy (Audience member): “Matchmakers are fantastic. I was raised by a Hungarian mother who was a very authentic gypsy type. It was in an era where she took an ad out in the gazette looking for her soul mate. She took a handwriting course, so when she got 100 responses she analyzed each and every letter, selected three, dated, and on the third one she ended up marrying. I am a full believer in the powers that be, in the education, in the essence of matchmaking and putting yourself out there and opening up to infinite possibilities…”

Listen to the Mom vs Matchmaker Episode HERE!