Cheryl Besner: The proof is in the “putting”!
This is a new spin on the old saying “the proof is in the pudding,” because I believe that what we put out into the world is what we will receive.
Since the launch of my first blog chronicling my adventures in the dating world, 365 Days To Find Love, I have written many posts about how I go out into the world each day open to meeting new people. When I want to be social, I am! It’s as simple as stepping out, having the right attitude, and going where the people are.
Recently, while traveling solo, I decided to test the philosophy which forms the basis of my coaching techniques: Keep Integrating Social Solutions – the KISS!
During this self-imposed solitary confinement, every time I ventured out, I acted the exact opposite of how I normally do. While I still dressed, primped, and primed myself as usual, my body language and expression were different. I hardly made eye contact with people, I walked with a more purposed gait, and I always positioned myself on the outside of a social circle – with arms crossed as if to say “I dare you!”
And it worked! I met no one!
Well, almost. My sole exchanges were with people working in the various stores, restaurants, gyms, and spas that I visited. And when they occurred, connecting was easy and automatic. It was me simply being me: Putting myself out there, welcoming the interaction, dropping the “do not disturb” demeanor. In many cases, like in restaurants, I realized if I didn’t… I could starve! 😉
In these situations, I saw my natural instinct for embracing human contact take over, and I became instant friends with the people I encountered! I loved hearing all their stories: Where they were from, their family histories, their passions in life. In some instances, I even became their dating coach… and in one case, a matchmaker! A young yoga instructor told me he had a crush on a client, yet he was too shy to initiate dialogue. He explained that his hesitation stemmed from how she never looked in his direction, even while he led the weekly class. After we talked on the second day, I observed that his body language was overly professional and uninviting – if he wanted her to notice him on a personal level, he had to show it! I shared that I myself had been testing that very theory over the last few days, and guaranteed that if he opened himself up to receive, receive he would!
The following day, after class, we resumed our conversation – and as luck would have had it, the woman walked by and smiled at us. I casually asked her if she had tried the freshly brewed tea the instructor had prepared, and asked him to elaborate on the herbs he had combined. He smiled back… and rest is history!
His immediate change in attitude and in body language was as if I’d hung a huge sign around his neck saying “Visitors Welcome!”
People of all ages are not always aware of the attitudes they project, yet attitude is a fundamental stepping stone to socializing. It affects how we are perceived by others – and a subtle change in how you hold your head or position your arms can mean the difference between sitting alone in a café and having someone ask to sit beside you.
If you would like to learn more about body language and what may be holding you back from meeting the person you desire, I am always here to talk! Write to me at info@solointhecity.tv or call me for a consultation at 844-744-SOLO.
– Cheryl xo
